Fighting among siblings is as natural as the
changing of the seasons. All parents will have to
deal with it. There are some simple things we can
do to limit fighting and make it tolerable:

1. Ignore Their Fighting

Fighting is often a way for kids to get you to
notice them. If you ignore their fighting (unless
weapons are involved) there will be less incentive
for them to do it.

2. Treat Your Kids the Same When it Comes to
Fighting

If you get into who started things, you may be
training your kids to be victims and bullies. Put
them in the same boat and don't take sides.

3. Give your kids positive reinforcement when they
are cooperating.

Let them know that they're doing a wonderful job
when they get along. This one's easy to forget but
vitally important. Give them attention when
they're behaving the way you want.

4. Limit your own fighting and arguing.
Your kids will learn how to be peaceful from you.
Don't expect them to do it well if you don't show
them how.

5. Create an environment of cooperation.

Do projects together as a family that involve
cooperation. Talk about how important it is for
the family to cooperate. Avoid games or activities
that promote fighting in your kids.

6. Train your kids in peacemaking when they're
away from conflict.

Talk to your kids about fighting at a time when
they're relaxed and
open. Ask them about what
other options they might have taken rather than to
hit their sister. Help them to brainstorm better
solutions.

7. Avoid punishing your kids in general.

Punishing kids usually just creates angry kids who
are more likely to fight. While some punishment may
be inevitable, do your best to give choices and alternatives.
Punishment may bring short term solutions but will also
bring long term problems.

8. Control how you react to their fighting.

When you must intervene, make sure you stay calm.
If you're angry and shaming, you actually make it
more likely that fighting will occur again.

9. Limit the number of fighting opportunities you
give your kids.

Think about what has the potential to start
fights. Don't buy a red ball and a blue ball, this
may result in a fight by your kids. Buy two red
balls--no fight. Don't have them close to each
other when they're tired and hungry if you can
help it.

10. Love your kids for all they're worth

Every day tell them you love them and more
importantly, show them. Kids who feel loved are
the least likely to fight. This won't eliminate
it, but the alternative isn't pretty at all.


Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, is the author of 25
Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers
http://www.markbrandenburg.com/father.htm
For more great tips and action steps for fathers,
sign up for his FREE bi-weekly newsletter, Dads,
Don’t Fix Your Kids, at
http://www.markbrandenburg.com